My favourite parts in movies, books, TV shows is when the character is at the pinnacle of everything working out but then out of no where everything goes wrong. What I love next is that montage of them finding themselves, moving on and upward and getting their wildest desires. Murphy’s law states “that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” and boy am I at that stage of life right now. I can pinpoint the exact moment it all went to shit this year, Tuesday night.
So why is it my favourite part in movies and not real life? Well in movies you get a pretty montage. In real life, you just cry, a lot. haha
Tuesday, day, was fantastic! I had breakfast with my best friend. We went window shopping. After seeing her I popped over to my Grandma’s we had a catch up, she gave me her old suitcases that I have been eyeing up for years! We went to the beach and had Gelato. In my mind I was happy and content. My blog was at a great place, I was excited and looking forward to the future. I was finally passed all that had happened the year prior and I had worked my ass off to enjoy this moment.
You all know how much I’ve been looking forward to New Zealand. I walked through those doors that night and was told the news. New Zealand was postponed. Devastated. I don’t usually get my hopes up but I had for this trip, telling everyone I could “Hey look! I get a holiday!” but that was scattered before my eyes. I cried. I went to bed. I woke up eager to make Wednesday mine.
Enter. Panic attack at work. I won’t go into it as it makes me anxious. But I was unprepared. Humiliated. Embarrassed. Mad. Let down. I had all those thoughts from last year again. “I’m a failure. I’m not good enough. The managers are avoiding me. Everyone here hates me. I’m a waste of space. What if I get fired”. I was so distraught that I had been plucked up and put in this position again that I had tried to get out of since it was all last years bad memories. I rushed home after my shift that night to rant. Thinking I was safe.
“The owners called. They have to sell the house. We need to move again.”
These words uttered were the final brick being pulled out of what I had believed was a stable house I had built around me. It all came shattering down.
I cried again.
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The thing is. The next day I still woke up happy. I know I need to talk to someone about my anxiety and sadness. That will come when I am ready to talk about it to a stranger. But I was okay to pick myself up. All those posts I wrote saying I could handle this year. I actually believe. If it had been the same time last year, we would see my on my bed sulking. Blogging would’ve stopped. I would be constantly complaining to my friends.
Enough is enough and I’ve learnt I am stronger, that yes anything that will go wrong will probably go wrong. I studied events and you have to prepare for the worst. Now I know however that when it does, it just keeps equipping me for getting better when the next wrong thing happens in my life. I can move on. We can make plans again and have something to look forward to.
I deserve happiness. I will fight for it. I will cry and be bruised. But in the end I will never stop fighting.
And I love myself and my struggles every day for this knowledge and experience.
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Woah that turned into an essay/creative writing didn’t it! haha So yes, no New Zealand vlogs next month *sad face* hoping to change the trip to around January next year, pray for me guys I need a holiday! haha. Moving house for the 9th time as well. Was finally happy with my room and was going to film a room tour but you all will just have to wait won’t you ;P and work is still shit. But we can deal with it and just think, every time I go in there I’m getting money for Europe. JUST THINK ABOUT EUROPE.
Let me know ways to move on and defeat this mess in the comments so I can distract myself better!
P.s. seriously thank you to all off you. Both my IRL friends who let me rant and to all my new friends online/ on twitter. You left me such sweet comments and you all let me PM you with rants and sadness. You all helped me move on much faster than I would have without you. All my love.