Friday, 18 August 2017

Crossroads



Plans change constantly. I think I've discovered that a lot this year. Traveling and changing your whole lifestyle teaches you a lot about being able to be flexible. However it doesn't stop you from feeling like you're in a tug of war with your heart. At the end of my major travels I've been hit with a crossroads and although I was emotional at first I snapped back instantly and was able to see the pro's and con's of both options. 

So let me get right to it shall I? I'm heading back to Australia. Hold up. Wait, what was that, oh yeah turns out in this point of time I need to head home. Don't get me wrong, my top goal is still living and working in England the only thing that is changing is how I reach that goal.

I had to decide. Hop over to England right away with no financial stability, hope a job lasts and spend most of my money traveling England and Wales to see my only friends over here. Or go back to Australia. Save money on rent and food, work a solid 10 months and have roommates and a job lined up for me. I like taking risks now and getting out of my comfort zone but I do not like to be so on the edge I have no support. The decision was made. Australia it was, my heart heaved a sigh of relief, apparently I was more homesick than I originally thought.

Now onto feeling like a failure. This thought has crossed my mind so much the last three days of making this decision. I had planned to spend one to two years in the UK, it has only been five months and when I leave in November it will be seven. Once I started asking people for advice however the feeling of failure fled from my mind. Look at how much I have achieved and experienced this year. I've traveled to six different countries, been to three conventions with another on the way, volunteered, made friends who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, met more of my family and learnt more about myself than I ever thought I could. 

I need to step back, I still have that goal in my mind. Move to England with my friends, work in a full time job and explore more of Europe but I need to regroup and be more secure both emotionally and money wise. Mentally I really need to go home. I could possibly stay in Ireland to work but I have no friends here and I'm not used to living in a small town. I have had a lot of bad days in between all the fantastic ones. Its even harder when the high parts of your life are so extreme because it makes the sad ones more dull. 

The only logical reason I could see myself surviving was heading back home. I will miss my SitC family like hell but I'm gonna work my ass off to get back to them in August. Apart from that I will now get to decide if England still has my heart compared to home. Will Sydney show me how much I love it or will I still yearn for England. At this point I'm excited to see. I want to make the most of the next year. I've already proved to myself that I can take on the world so I don't mind working non-stop for 10 months to continue doing so again. 

I thought success was a career, family and stability. It's all I've ever seen. I don't think that is for me just yet. Don't get me wrong if I was offered an events job at my top three events I'd take it in an instant, I would also love a relationship and to one day own a house. For now however I am very happy working for a few months then running away to explore the world. I have seen so much yet so little, I want to do it all. For now though I'm heading home to Aus and I'm happy with that decision. 


Share:
© Utter Ardour | All rights reserved.
Blog Layout Created by pipdig