Friday, 23 June 2017

Diary Entry's


For some reason, during the Germany trip I felt the need to keep a Diary. I think it was due to it being the only tour where I didn't have as many people to chat to so I needed a place to just gather thoughts. I had forgotten I did these five entries during Spain. So I had no memory of what I wrote. 

I've found out Travel makes you feel an abundance of emotions, you also do a lot of thinking. Which I was only half expecting. I felt a lot, good and bad. I had moments of euphoria and moments of being a 5 year old who wanted to chuck a tantrum. I'm not gonna lie and say it is all easy breezy and that still at 23 I want to be a brat and just cry haha. 

Without judging me too much (please I promise I am more put together than I sometimes seem... I hope) here is what I was thinking during Germany. Not hiding anything. Let's see how 2008 emo Rai I become *sweats nervously*

Diary #1 - May 2nd

I'm starting to really enjoy the travel life. Looking out a new location instead of the same boring scenery at home is amazing. There is a castle everywhere you tun in Germany. I love it, it's like a fairy tale. All their towns are hidden by trees, mountains and mist. Even in the big cities you can see the historic architecture poking into the horizon, piercing it, ready to take on anything modern society can throw at it. You realise how new Australia is, I have a beautiful city but it is lacking its heart. 

Settling again into a routine will be a lot harder after these couple of months traveling. Part of me wants to be on the move forever now. Listening to my friend talk to her boyfriend and mum makes me kinda glad I don't have anyone I have to go back to or holding me to one place. Not that I don't want to spend time with family, I just can leave and not worry. I'd love a love but no one who I'd have to talk to everyday. I dunno if this makes me heartless but I'd hate to be tied down and someone not trust me or themselves to be alone.


Diary #2 - May 3rd

The problem with holidays booked while already on one is your brain doesn't fully relax. I'm so busy thinking if I packed the right things or what I'm going to do while I'm there. Instead I need to learn how to switch off. I'm literally on holiday thinking about how on the next one I'll be better at relaxing and having fun on the next one. I need to pause now, look out the window and know that I have nothing to plan or worry about for at least the next 10 days. 

Breath Rai

Escape, run wild an experience it now just like you dreamed while at work saving to get to this moment in time. The time you have now you've worked hard for it, dreamed for it so now all you have to do is live it.

Live Recklessly.


Diary #3 - May 9th

I'm unhappy. I dunno exactly why. I know it's a mix of things. The rudeness of some of the people, the homesickness, the lack of connection to anyone at the moment. Being told to 'settle down'. These two words are two of my least favourite in the world. They're move you of your emotions, like you're not allowed to feel what you are feeling because it's too much. 

I don't remember the last time I was hugged. It's been a few weeks. I know that sounds pathetic but I live human contact, I need that emotion even if I've just met you and we've clicked, I'll feel a longing to link arms, hold hands, hug. It makes me so aware at how many do not want to touch, me, or others. Even harder seeing them walk away to great friends and lovers right after. 

I feel so unconnected and touched.
Fuck that.

I'm going to try and enjoy the rest of this trip and time in my life... I just needed to tell someone even if its just writing it down for no one to see.

Diary #4 - May 10th

The sun came out today. Both in my mood and the actual hot beautiful sun.

We visited the famous Neuschwanstein Castle, saw The Alps, rode a horse and carriage and did I mention sun? (I know I did but I'm just so happy to see it after all the clouds!)
I can't stop looking at the mountains, they're gorgeous. I wasn't even aware we were seeing them this trip, so when they appeared over the horizon it was a breathtaking surprise.

I wish we could stop, ride a bike, do a hike and have a picnic. The day is picture perfect. I'm in love with this moment, feeling and view. This is why I traveled. When I go with just friends/myself I will actually take time to just take it all in. The tours are great to see what you need but I want more chill time. Either way I don't regret it. I'm very content right now. 
(Even if I did just get my period today lol)



Diary #5 - May 13th

Hostels are strange. Cool, but strange. The mindset you have to put yourself into after spending weeks in hotels by yourself is a funny one. Eim (my sister) said to think of it like a camp. Which made it feel a bit better sleeping in the same room as strangers. Like year 7 camp all over again. 

Downstairs in the communal areas it feel, in my mind anyway, what living on campus at uni would feel like. It was pretty hilarious when Maddie and I had our cheap microwave meals (anyway to save money!) and these guys about 10 years older making steak and salads judging us. haha. We then played board games. What a raging Saturday night in Berlin aye.

We did manage to sort out the train system enough not to get lost, go to the shops and buy enough food to last us to Spain. Went to the Jewish memorial which was chilling. Seeing all the families affected was insane. It's like you don't fully think about the horrors until they are right in front of you.

Either way a great first day even if ankle is hurting. Four more days to go!

___________

I hope that was just as interesting for you as it was for me to read what I was thinking and feeling at the time. Plus you get to see how fast my mind changes and my horrible writing/spelling. Thank god for spelling check right? It was kind of amusing as being back in Ireland I am also feeling some of the same stuff that I was feeling on that tour bus. 

I'd like to do this in the future, it was great to remember memories I would have forgotten without these diaries. Maybe I'll do it for Austin as well, let me know if you've felt similar and how you handle the tsunami of emotions and if you liked this type of post!

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